Reflection

Summer is almost over as I have found a new job and will be well on my way to start my life over again and The Tyger will be left to dwell in the thriving city of Atlanta. This summer has been by far the best summer we have ever had together and we can't wait for next year's adventures. That restless Sagittarius in me and The Tyger's conservative but deep down party nature make us a great team! Partners in crime we are as we already have plans to cause more trouble in the future.

I wrote in a post a while back about life being a highway and how the highway of life brought me here to Atlanta. While in that last post I had no clue as to why I was here, after much thought and reflection I now know why that highway led me here. I was brought here to find myself again since I lost who I was after the divorce. I feel as if the divorce killed me but yet somehow I survived it. Divorce is often compared to that of death except that person isn't dead which makes it tougher to deal with. You see, when someone dies it's out of your hands leaving us to believe it was just fate. When you divorce, you're making a conscience decision to leave that person. YOU are the one who decides, not fate which is why it makes it all the harder to heal. Also, with death there is usually a funeral giving one a type of closure. Friends and family offer their condolences as they say they will keep you in their thoughts and prayers while you heal from the pain of your loss. With divorce, there is no special ceremony to give one closure leaving the person to deal with it alone. No one brings you flowers and says they are sorry for what you are going through. Divorce is taboo in our society making it so no one really offers their support. It's truly a lonely way to heal. Because of this, one cannot expect someone to heal from something so traumatic in such a short time. It can take sometimes years for that person to get over a love that went wrong.

From this painful experience I went through, I feel as though I was lost within my turmoil and confusion of grief yet my soul still existed inside me. I just needed to find it again. To be with a good friend who cares about me enough to help me find myself and to heal is why the highway brought me here to Atlanta. As the summer continued and The Tyger and I began getting ourselves into our usual trouble and what not, I felt my inner true self beginning to pop out. Like a seed breaking through the soil seeing the light of day, then sprouting green leaves and eventually blossoming into this beautiful flower is how I see myself right now.

I know I haven't talked about this but the whole dating thing has been a real difficult spot for me to be in. I know everyone back home has been dying to hear about all the men who hit one me and if I've met anyone. Well the truth is that I pretty much blow off every guy who hits on me these days so I don't really have much drama in that department to talk about. The reason for ignoring every guy who approached me came from not only fear of being hurt but also of the confusion I was feeling from trying to find my personality again. In order to give yourself to someone, you need to know who you are and be comfortable with yourself. If you're not able to be comfortable with yourself, you are robbing that other person from getting to know the true you. It's not fair to that other person nor is it honest. Love and trust are both very delicate things in the beginning stages of relationships that can easily go awry if one is not ready to invest their emotions fully with that other person.

HOWEVERRR...Over the summer I did meet someone who really liked me and wanted to date me. The problem was I had so many walls built around myself that I couldn't really see anything past how badly I was still hurting. I really liked him too but was unsure about him until one night when The Tyger and I bumped into him at a restaurant in the area. It was then that I realized what a sweetheart he really is. He has a good heart and a caring side that makes one feel comfortable to be around. Not to mention his down to earth nature allowed me to be myself around him. He is the first person to come around and tear down some of these walls I have around myself. In fact, the more time I spent with him, the more I felt walls coming down to where I began to fully trust him. I believe if given the chance to date, he probably would've made a break through and we could've had a great relationship. The chance never came though and I blame myself for that. Fear got the best of me and by the time I got over that fear of dating him it was too late. I guess I just felt overwhelmed and needed time to figure out what was happening inside of me. Now, I'm leaving Atlanta for a new job so I will never know. I do hope he finds someone who is nice, fun, and treats him well as he truly deserves it.

The Tyger and I realize that once I leave her dwelling, summer will officially be over for us. What a summer it has been too! From the drinking, hangovers, food porn, baseball, tanning, and all the trouble we caused all over the city we really feel as if we conquered summer California style! But with all good things, they have to come to an end. Summer's over and now it's back to reality. But not to worry, The Tyger and I will be back causing more trouble in Atlanta than ever before! How? I won't be broke next time so therefore we will have more ground to cover!

You just wait Atlanta...when we come out of hibernation we will be back in full force ready to take you on!